Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted.
That's okay I told my husband I bought a year supply he was so excited I said yeah there's 12 in a pack.
Two little old ladies are outside their nursing home having a drink and a smoke when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end and puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
Maude: What in hell is that!
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (after all - she's 80 yrs old) and asks her what brand of condoms she prefers, to which Maude replies - "Doesn't matter sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel. The pharmacist fainted.
A woman asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.
The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy one?"
The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys one?"